Mothers and daughters frequently tell me that they feel ashamed about their relationship difficulties. They feel that they “should” be able to get along because popular wisdom tells them that mothers and daughters are supposed to be close. This societal expectation makes mothers and daughters blame themselves for causing their relationship difficulties. Many women currently experience mother-daughter relationship conflict and this is nothing to be ashamed about.

Societywide dynamics are contributing to these types of relationship conflict. Often, “hormones” are blamed as the cause for relationship problems, whether it is the teenage daughter’s or pregnant daughter’s hormones, or the menopausal mother’s hormones. Another common reason mothers and daughters give to explain why they are not getting along is their differing or similar personality traits. Hormones or personality traits are rarely the core reasons for mother-daughter relationship conflict, however. Oftentimes it is society that sets mothers and daughters up for conflict.